What We're Reading #12

On being held instead of holding

My most radical, political act this week was allowing myself to be cared for. I started this week on a 12 hour journey from Savannah, Georgia back to the great state of Illinois that should've ended in CU, but didn't. A flight delay led to a bus missed by just ten minutes. Then when I finally get home, I am allowed only a day of recuperation before I find a mouse in my apartment! And now I am afraid of my kitchen because a mouse may be living in my oven. So I haven't been doing so great. That said, even in my troubles, I resisted the urge to figure it out on my own. As an American and especially as a Black woman, the world really pushes you toward a sort of rugged individualism that isn't healthy. It tells you that if you can't hold yourself up without support, then you aren't worth the effort anyone would put into you anyway. It tells you to help your immediate family, but says nothing of nourishing your community as a whole. I've been working to unlearn that individualism, and the trials of this week have really pushed me forward in that goal. Because when I was stuck at O'Hare with the keen knowledge that even if I took an Uber, I would just miss my bus, it was the friend/acquaintance/cool person I didn't hang out with enough in college who gave me and my partner a place to crash in the city so we didn't have to sleep in the airport. And when I saw a mouse in my apartment on a morning when I already couldn't find my glasses, I was blessed with a friend to call who was willing to put peppermint oil by the mouse hole and who gave me several hugs because I was legitimately sobbing at the fact that a mouse was in my home. And then after relaying my woes of the week and how I have been truly exhausted, my dear friend forbade me from helping them at their upcoming mutual aid event and told me to just enjoy the evening. While I was mildly adversarial to that suggestion in the moment, I've come to see it as one of the many acts of care that have blessed me this week. 

Being helped, being held emotionally, feels so uncomfortable. It's hard not to fight against it, to not insist you're fine enough or that you can figure things out yourself. But maybe care is a river that I need to learn to float along sometimes. Sometimes I have to believe that if I allow myself to let go, that I won't fall. Holding feels great because helping people feels great. Caring for others often feels like a balm to this hard world, and in moderation it can be. But we can also push ourselves to the brink, all because we subconsciously believe that if we aren't actively caring for others, then we aren't worthy of care. 

As news of Illinois primary elections fill the airwaves these next few days, I encourage you to let go of American individualism. Do it at the ballot box, and vote for the people who truly aim to support you and your community, rather than maintain an unhealthy status quo. And even more importantly, let go of that individualism in your day to day life. Allow yourself to be held, be honest about your needs with your support system, and don't try to pour from an empty cup. There is nothing more radical than being vulnerable enough to be cared for, because a community can't thrive if we can't trust our peers enough to rely on each other.

Primary Prep!

If you are reading this for the great state of Illinois, then you have a primary coming up next week! I will always be an advocate for voting, especially in local elections, so I wanted to share some info so you can get to know your candidates a little better and make informed choices this election season.

How to Find Your Sample Ballot

• I found this process more annoying this year than it usually is, so I'm gonna give y'all a cheat code. Click here to be brought to your voter portal, which gives you access to your voter history, allows you to register to vote, and other related things.
• Click on Search for my Voter Record and you'll give them your name, your birthday, and your street number
  • Note: If it doesn't work, make sure your voter registration is updated with your current address! You can do that here. 
• If you're a registered voter, all your voter information will pop up here. To find your sample ballot, scroll down to the bottom of the page to see the different ballots. From there you can choose between a Republican, Democrat, or Independent sample ballot to look at, and you're all set!

Where Can I learn More About the Candidates?

• Illinois Public Media Voter Guide - IPM News is a great public resource on info for several of the contested offices on your sample ballot. I found it especially helpful when trying to figure out what the heck a County Executive is and who is running for it.
• CU Muslim Action Committee Voter Guide - CU MAC is on it once again, providing our community with specific info on how candidates have spoken on Palestine and issues relevant to our Muslim community. Give this a read and support their work throughout the year!

News to Know

• Ebertfest Unveils Initial Slate for Final Festival, “The Last Dance” (Roger Ebert.com): For all our film-loving queers, the initial slate of films for the final Ebertfest is out! Tickets are selling fast so if you're looking for a festival pass I would get that bought sooner rather than later. 
• 'AI Is African Intelligence': The Workers Who Train AI Are Fighting Back (404 Media): I'm just gonna share the first paragraph, because this is wild. "Every day, Michael Geoffrey Asia spent eight consecutive hours at his laptop in Kenya staring at porn, annotating what was happening in every frame for an AI data labeling company. When he was done with his shift, he started his second job as the human labor behind AI sex bots, sexting with real lonely people he suspected were in the United States. His boss was an algorithm that told him to flit in and out of different personas." Another great story on how AI thrives on the exploitation of the Global South. 
• Data center won't be built in Pekin (WGLT): As data center projects pop up all over Illinois, residents from Pekin and neighboring towns have successfully fought off a venture that was set to span over 300 acres in their backyard. 
• How to Talk to Someone Experiencing 'AI Psychosis' (404 Media): This will become more and more relevant as use of AI chatbots continues to be normalized. It's time to start learning the signs of AI psychosis so we can support our community members who fall into it. 

Lavender Vibes

The Strapdown Podcast: The Strapdown is easily one of my favorite podcasts right now. Hosted by two queer Black fem comedians, the show is relatable and funny and interesting. I love their segment Fem Top-Icks where they just talk about whatever gay drama is going on that week, and each episode they also bring up a piece of queer Black media to check out. They've put me on to so much good stuff! Right now they're reviewing the new Bridgerton season since it's sapphic this time around, so also great if you're looking for more Bridgerton content from a melanated perspective.

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